____________________________________________ Soon to retire streamer.. 🔥 of dlive is dying
09:45 19/09/2019 Update:
To all those that have supported me, made me laugh, helped, uplifted me and have been there for me at times: Grimoire, KJ, Halfsharkalligator, VideoJunkie, xHannah, WaffleScratch, Prismane, Gonzo, Jimi, lalaleyla, laditv, Deadicated10k, Bubblesaur, Mossside, Virpix, Jenny, Snailman2, scadamoosh, and anyone else who cared and genuinely gave a fuck about me.. From the bottom to top of my heart: Thank you. Excluding halfshark, i love you all 💛
I really didn't want to give it up, but i should. There's too many negatives. I'm finding it way too difficult ignoring all the bad shit in my offline life & online + streaming life when it all just heavily outweighs the little good. It's too mentally draining + rotting especially when you don't have a real friend that's pure, cool, honest and doesn't compile + judge on the dumb lil things you say and do here and there
And even with my anxiety & depression i still mostly always enjoyed streaming. I love being careless, impulsively goofy, wacky, facetious, somehow entertaining & making people laugh and smile. It always made me feel blissful knowing i could make people smile & make at least 1 person's day better.
Also to the streamers & busybody lurkers i have pissed off and disliked me along the way: I genuinely apologize to all the mothers & fathers of the trash here on dlive for not raising yous better.
I'm sorry you're boring, judgy, missing an interesting personalty, miserable, horrible, unentertaining, un-amusing, and/or a fake lying person. i'm sorry you couldn't fool & befriend me for your own selfish monetary benefit & gain. 🙃 🖕
And, so... i'm not going to lie, but 1 if not the biggest reason i think i'm done is because of my friend KJ... I don't want to get into it again as i still have some respect left for her.
i just have some really bad dark past scared memories when it comes to good ex-friends ignoring, ghosting and blocking me out of no-where because of my imperfections & petty shit that they can't look past.. (Sweet ADHD troll AkA KJ being latest who hates me)
i'm a broken idiot, and i find it difficult reaching out to others when i'm low. They assume, misunderstand & characterize me in those moments, and they give me bad advice and rarely help. + i don't want to waste peoples' time. And i don't ever want to ever pull the mood / energy down of someone that i like ever again.
i don't want to make/have any friends anymore. I want to slowly die in peace without anyone caring or worrying about me. Honestly, it's best i am forgotten.
To anyone out there who's like me: Be strong, don't give up. Listen to relatable music like Josh A / Lil Revive, Jake Hill & GucciHighWaters.
+ Talk and/or game with someone that gives a shit about you please. Someone that likes you.. Don't make the same mistakes as me. Even if you're frustrated & angry, or having a bad day; Step back and control yourself.
Don't say toxic dumb shit you don't mean to those you truly care about. Words can be destructive and have the strength to burn down friendships & relationships.. (I'm sorry Karrie)
Anyway, novel's over.. Goodbye forever, bye for now, bye for awhile. idk i don't know.
Take care of yourself, your family & of your good friends please everyone. 👋